I often get asked, what was harder, going from 1-2 children or from having 2-3?
Neither! For me, going from 0-1 was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done as a human being.
When I see a mom struggling, just as I did, to get one clean and fed infant out of the house, I see her eyes widen as big as dinner plates to ask “How do you do it with three?” and I must say good news, gets easier! I mean, with more children in tow, it gets louder and in some emotional and logistical ways more complicated, but in general I am

1) improving as a mom through experience

2) learning to let them do more, which comes naturally when you have more than one since you don’t have the time to dote on any one child.

Not sleeping through the night is common with infants and yes, before you have had children, you probably pulled some all-nighters, but you didn’t have someone’s life in your hands the whole next day. You didn’t have anyone consistently crying in your ear, and you weren’t feeding anyone from your hands / breasts all day. Once you understand this deep level of sleep deprivation plus caretaking you expect it and prepare for it better the next time.

Take heart mama, you are learning every day. Even though you can’t see your improvement or actively appreciate it each day, your children do!

No, I’m not saying that when you have a babysitter you should stare at your children instead of leaving the house. When you have help though, day or night, build in time when you are home with your caretaker to listen, learn, and advise your children on how to behave, unless you want to raise jerks.

Looking for a babysitter? Have one come over first as a ‘helper’ to be with the children when you are in the home. This builds a connection between you and the sitter, plus it’s a softer transition for a child because that person being there doesn’t automatically mean parents leave.

Do you have a nanny? We have someone that comes over two days/week, and Cristina is made of all that is magical, good and noble. She has the mind-blowing capacity to multitask and yet take loving care of our children in a way that never ceases to amaze me. I want to be more like her. Our children love her truly, madly, deeply, and they run to her with huge hugs when she arrives and leaves.

Even though our children respect and care for Cristina, when I’m home cooking or writing I keep my ears open. If I didn’t remind my children to say ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ a hundred times over they wouldn’t, even if it’s in our family’s code to do so. They would be bossing her around with wild abandon. I know this because I’ve heard it with my own ears, and I’ve seen it with other children around me, and this is NOT OKAY. Again, unless you want to raise a$$holes.

If you have worked in the service industry you know that you will be treated like garbage at times, and yet you still have to keep on keeping on because you are getting paid. I worked in retail as a teenager and in restaurants, first as a hostess and then as a server. I continued working as a waitress though college and at times begrudgingly beyond. I did not regularly stand up for myself because A) if I did I might not have a job anymore, and B) people acting like ungrateful, entitled jerks pretending that the world was ending because the sauce was different than expected was nonstop, so in a way you get numb to it.

Cristina never asks my kids to be polite, not only because she is being paid, but also she doesn’t like to see them in any kind of trouble and says they are just being regular ‘niños, no esta nada’ but impolite children are NOT going to magically become polite adults. 

If our world needs anything now it is evermore grateful, respectful adults who consider  the humanity of others. That, and it doesn’t hurt to have an ear to how the caretaker is treating your children at the same time.

So build in time to be around. Actively listen to your children and parent them when you have help. Teach them to be kind, or at the very least polite when you hear them behaving like douches. If you don’t, they will get away with it and continue that behavior elsewhere.

The future of kindness and gratitude in our culture depends on how these forthcoming generations turn out; let’s raise the bar and raise polite kids that turn into strong, polite adults.